my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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