shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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