I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
