there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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