i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
