you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
