Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
