nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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