Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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