We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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