I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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