I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
