Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize