I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
