oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
