I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
