literally had 100 drinks last night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
