Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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