do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize