im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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