no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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