I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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