Fuck appropriateness.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
