He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
