I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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