tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
only you would photoshop your dick
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
