How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
