she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
