We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have fence marks all over my body
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
