nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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