The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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