The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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