just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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