Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
two words...techno handjob
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
