Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
bring money and cleavage
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
