Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what day is it and did you see me today?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is my gift to your gina
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
