I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
