what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
