i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
