someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
