I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
