i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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