You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize