We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
