In the future we'll all be gay
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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