i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
