If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
