There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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