so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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