I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
