It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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