i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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