Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
