Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
