When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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