Can i not drive my cunt home
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
