dude i'm inner monologue high
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
