Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
