# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
