I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
