How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
