OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
