well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
