I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
