You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
