Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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