I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
