Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
