My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
