Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize