Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
