Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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