I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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