dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
