I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
