Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
