You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
