this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
