my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
