Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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